Don't feed the zombie
by I 4 2 write
Summary: Emma refuses to give up on bringing Hook back to life. What happens when she succeeds, but not as she'd hoped? Funny, I promise. Not Hooker friendly.


Going to the Underworld had not been enough to save Hook. He'd simply been dead too long by the time everyone was ready to return to the land of the living. That didn't mean Emma had given up. Going to nearly literal Hell was not her quitting point.

Despite warnings from every single person who knew the least bit about magic, she refused to accept that there was simply no way to bring back the dead. She'd dug Hook up, and found Hades had been right. The pirate stank more than a little. No one could say he was good looking anymore either. She really should have cast a preservation spell on his body a soon as he was dead. Oh well, she'd deal with that later.

With a little help from Dr. Whale, who was only too eager to try bringing the dead back to life- again- she set about using every bit of magic she knew combined with science. Regina reminded her what had happened with Daniel, and Snow and David tried talking at least some sanity into her. But they were wrong. It was possible! Finally, after long nights of hard work, the just slightly putrid pirate sat up. He looked around, and his mouth began to move.

"Killian, I'm here." Emma went closer, but even she couldn't bring herself to kiss him. "What are you trying to say?"

"Br-" the undead Hook struggled to get the word out. "Brains!"

"What?" Both Emma and Whale asked, shocked. Hook wasn't looking at Emma with love. He looked- hungry? Yet the way he was looking at her wasn't the way a hungry man- or hungry zombie- looked at a good meal. He looked more like a child being forced to eat their vegetables. He stiffly got off the table he'd been laying on, and shuffled clumsily past Emma and Whale.

"Brains! Must have brains!" He headed for the door as Emma started after him.

"Did- did he just call me stupid?" Emma asked.

"Never mind that! We have a zombie pirate making a run for it!" Whale shouted.

Whale tried to stop him as Emma tried reasoning with her undead boyfriend. The zombie pirate was surprisingly strong though. He simply knocked them to the floor and kept going. By the time they got up, he was out of sight.

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"Gold! We need your help!" Emma shouted, running into his office. As usual, no one paid attention to when the shop was closed.

"Well there's a surprise I may never get over," Rumple said with his his usual dry wit. "Let me guess. You want me to bring your lover back from the dead. As you've been told so many times, that's one thing that isn't possible, even for me."

"I'm not so sure," Emma said. "He's alive- well- sort of?"

Oh no! Someone who had been dead now being "sort of" alive could not be a good thing.

"So I was hoping you could remove the sort of part and bring him back the way he used to be?" Emma pleaded.

"Perhaps I wasn't clear enough, Dearie. Not even I can bring the dead back to life- as they were. You were warned how many times against trying. There's nothing more to be done for him."

"But he's going to start attacking people! The only thing he keeps saying is that he wants brains."

Rumple was tempted to say he always knew the pirate lacked those, but he knew that wasn't what Emma had meant.

"Sorry, Miss Swan. I'm a lot of things. Spinner and weaver, Dark One, mage, pawnshop owner, and lawyer. Zombie killer is not on that list."

"So what are the rest of us suppose to do?" Emma asked in exasperation.

"You said he wants brains?"

"Yes."

Rumple smirked.

"In that case, Dearie, I'm sure just about everyone in Storybrooke will be perfectly safe. I notice you don't look too badly harmed."

"There's no need to point that out!" Emma shouted angrily. That only brought another smirk out of Rumple.

"I'm sure your dearly departed lover will die again soon of malnutrition. Funny, I always thought he survived off of liquid nourishment. In the mean time, Belle and I will be leaving town."

Belle was carrying his child, and was one of the few in town who had what Hook wanted. A zombie couldn't hurt Rumple, but he couldn't leave Belle and his unborn child in danger. He'd give Regina a warning to get out of Storybrooke with Henry too. That would remove any food source for Hook and keep his family safe. He'd also give Archie a call to warn him to leave Storybrooke.

He was glad to not be sticking around either. Nothing except the dagger could hurt him. Still, with a zombie hungry for brains,that made him the all you can eat buffet in a town full of salads. No point in providing Hook with temptation.


End file.
